Pun this, and more....

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Post by melodiccolor on Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:35 am

Okay, I am revising this thread in a strange wonky way. I am about to start a new thread where I take these puns, run them through translation programs and then post. You get to try and figure out what they originally said. I'll post the original in the new thread 2 days later, and then do another one. What a Face

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Post by Nucky on Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:02 pm

A wife asks her husband what his suggestions are for dinner.
"Fettuccine alfredo?" suggests the husband.
"Be right back", the wife says as she gets up and leaves the room for a few minutes.
The wife comes back a few minutes later with a strange-looking radio that looks like a Chinese elf.
"What's that thing?" asks the husband.
"Didn't you just tell me 'fetch your Chinese elf radio?'"

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Post by Nucky on Tue Apr 07, 2009 3:54 am

Assburgers Syndrome

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Post by melodiccolor on Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:01 pm

That video REALLY belongs in the worst video thread. tongue

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Post by Nucky on Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:44 am

A double visual pun!


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Post by melodiccolor on Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:56 am

lol!

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Post by melodiccolor on Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:39 pm

A prospector was combing the hills for gold. Determined to make his fortune, he spent many a day following the trails up and down the mountain side. One such day, he was walking wearily up the side of the hill. He heard a voice call out, "Hello, Hello." He turned to his mule and asked, "Bessie, did you say something?" Bessie didn't answer and he turned to go on. "Hello, hello, up there."

The prospector looked around again. He saw a snake on the ground, "Was that you talking to me?"

"Yes, Nate the Snake, glad to meet you."

Now, the prospector was no fool and soon had a plan in mind. He talked it over with Nate, who agreed to the plan.

The prospector built a roadside stand to house Nate and advertised him as the world's only talking snake. People came from all over to talk to Nate the Snake. They made millions and Nate's abode grew.

Now, the government, as governments will, needed to build a lever to end the world. And they decided to build the lever right across the street from Nate's abode. People came from all over, first to see Nate and then to see the lever that would end the world. People would see Nate and talk with him about this lever. One night Nate decided he needed to go see this lever for himself. He got down off his pedestal and slithered out the door. A driver was coming down the road. He was driving too fast. He saw Nate. He turned. He saw the lever. He turned back. He saw Nate. He swerved. He saw the lever, he swerved. He ran over Nate. Nate was dead. People were upset. People were angry. The driver was brought before the judge.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked the judge.

"I'm so sorry. I saw Nate. I saw the lever. I had to make a decision. I thought to myself...

'better Nate than lever'."

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Post by Nucky on Thu Jun 24, 2010 2:42 pm


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Post by melodiccolor on Thu Jun 24, 2010 8:13 pm

OOOOoooo, a classic!

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Post by Rivershine on Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:37 pm

That one never gets old. It's comedic genius at it's finest. whee!
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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Oct 29, 2010 2:59 pm

Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 under the baton of Milton Katims.

Now at this point, you must understand two things:

1. There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the basses don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

As it was a warm evening, there were some large fans set up at the back of the stage, to help keep the musicians cool during the performance.

It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the symphony, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews.

When they got there, a European nobleman recognized that they were musicians, and bought them several rounds of drinks. Two of the bassists passed out, and the rest of the section, not to mention the nobleman, were rather drunk. Finally, one of them looked at his watch and exclaimed, "Look at the time! We'll be late!"

The remaining bassists tried in vain to wake up their section mates, but finally those who were still conscious had to give up and run across the street to the Opera House.

While they were on their way in, the bassist who suggested this excursion in the first place said, "I think we'll still have enough time -- I anticipated that something like this could happen, so I tied a string around the last pages of the score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

Sure enough, when they got back to the stage they hadn't missed their entrance, but one of the fans had fallen over, and was bouncing around the back of the stage; one look at their conductor's face told them they were still in serious trouble. Katims was furious!

After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth,
the fans were going wild,
the basses were loaded,
the score was tied,
there were two men out,
and the Count was full.


This lovely tale was sent to me by Grasshopper!

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Post by frmthhrt on Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:11 pm

groan... chuckle You went a long way for that one
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Post by Reamsie on Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:37 am

I can't believe we brought this thread back. You get sucked in. Ok, here goes.

Dr. Oleander Fern, the noted biologist, was stumped. He had spent months studying the little green frogs in the swamp. Despite all efforts at predator control, population was declining at an alarming rate. Fern finally went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help. Dr. Myra Cantha looked into the problem and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp's water and simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce. Myra brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a zoss of that and, most critically, one part sodium. "You mean?" said Fern. "Yes," said Myra. "They need a mono-sodium glue to mate!"

And a quick one liner:


A dyslexic atheist with insomnia lays awake all night wondering if there really IS a doG.


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Post by melodiccolor on Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:55 pm

freakout mono sodium glue to mate.....

Puns are back!

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Post by Reamsie on Wed Nov 10, 2010 6:28 pm

Three Native American women sat around the campfire. One, seated on deer skin, boasted that her son weighed 140 pounds. A second, seated on her mountain lion skin, claimed that her son weighed 160 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus skin, said, "I don't have any sons, but I myself weigh 300 pounds." Which proves that the squaw on the hide of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

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Post by melodiccolor on Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:33 pm

*groan*....

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Post by frmthhrt on Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:40 pm

rofl
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Post by Nucky on Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:07 pm


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Post by frmthhrt on Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:21 pm

That one is so cool. My daughter is a huge fan of Animaniacs...and Pinky and the Brain...both of which always had great songs like that.
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Post by Nucky on Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:20 am


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Post by melodiccolor on Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:55 am

Nucky wrote:
affraid lol! whee!

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Post by frmthhrt on Sun Jan 23, 2011 3:52 am

crazy
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Post by melodiccolor on Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:53 pm

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

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Post by melodiccolor on Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:47 pm

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

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Post by melodiccolor on Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:48 pm

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

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Post by melodiccolor on Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:35 am

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

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Post by Alethia on Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:46 pm


The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

--------------------------------

Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Irish Railway Company
-----------------------------------

Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan.

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Post by frmthhrt on Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:13 pm

lol!
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Post by melodiccolor on Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:00 pm

lol!

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Post by Nucky on Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:58 pm


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