Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

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default Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by melodiccolor on Sat Apr 08, 2017 2:35 pm

This article was originally posted on our Facebook page. Even though it's tied to a workshop the author is offering (that may be of value to some of you), the article itself is powerful and rings very true. It kind of echoes my own journey as an empath too (expect I didn't absorb the pain I felt in others as my own most times).

https://medium.com/@tulipgoddess/empaths-are-not-here-to-transmute-other-peoples-energy-6be8f0d45bf6

Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

by Bevin Niemann

There’s a dangerous idea being posted on the Internet that the purpose of an empath is to transform negative energy into positive. I know personally how dangerous this is, as I believed this was my purpose for many years before I even learned there was a word for who I am — an empath. A person who has a direct experience of other people’s feelings, thoughts and physical sensations.

Empaths are naturally drawn to healing. Where this can go awry is when we begin to self-identify as a ‘rescuer’ of others. Since I was a child, I could easily pick up anyone’s energetic state — I read them using my empathic antennae, having a knowing of their pain while at the same time being able to see their Divine inner essence. Because I was born with this gift, I mistakenly thought I was somehow responsible for everyone else’s emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health.

I didn’t want them to be in pain because when they’re hurting — so was I. So, I took their hurting into my mind, my heart and my physical body in an attempt to release them from it. And, of course other people allowed me to do it, some even deliberately pouring their wounds into me because it provided them with the temporary relief that at least someone else understood what they were experiencing.

I lost myself.

I could not differentiate who I was from their pain. I stayed in dysfunctional after dysfunctional relationship, thinking I was ‘helping’ others step up into their power, but instead I was actually encouraging their victimhood. Why would someone need to face their own wounds and do their own healing when I was holding all of their pain for them?

The cost to me was enormous.

At one point, I simply shut off all external emotional reactions. I remember during an employee review my supervisor asking me, ‘Bevin, do you ever feel anything?’ I never see you get angry or sad…’ What? Are you kidding me, I feel absolutely everything! This was one of many wake-up calls to come…

Wake-up call #2 came after ten years of a friendship with a woman who experienced a very difficult childhood and manifested those wounds into really poor life choices. Every time I thought that she was starting to get her life together, making positive steps, she would self-sabotage. I was there to help pick up the pieces over and over until one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore and closed the door on our friendship forever. I still think about her and if I’m being honest still hold hope that she was able to heal and create the life she deserves.

I went through the same process several more times: holding other people’s pain before finally awakening to the impact. Experienced this in a past marriage and with a close family member. I came across people in my workplaces with deep wounds and for a while I attracted them out in the dating world.

I’ve come to understand that these relationships were brought into my life not for me to heal them, but so I could learn how to set healthy boundaries. So I could learn how to simply hold space for other people to do their own healing, but not hold their actual pain. We each need our own challenges and struggles in life in order to grow. If I pick up and carry someone else’s baggage, I am denying them an important personal growth experience.

I can now begin the deep healing process in my own heart, my own mind and my own body — which has held so many wounds from others inside. The chronic body pain I’ve lived with since age 8? I no longer wish to carry that pain, let me clarify, I will not ask my body to carry that pain any longer.

As an empath, you are not responsible for transmuting other people’s energy, other people’s pain. You are only responsible for healing yourself, embracing that strong, beautiful, loving light within you and radiating out as an example to others. Letting go and allowing them to experience their own personal journey while you experience yours.

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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by RBM on Sun Apr 09, 2017 9:03 am

I ran into this misunderstanding about the empathic dynamic probably in the late 80's when my socializing centered around what is today called 'New Age'.

The misunderstanding is totally irrational, which is untouchable by the article's intellectual approach. But the article isn't limited to an intellectual approach, so it may have an affect in correcting the misunderstanding at the location of the empathic dynamic which is outside the intellect in the Being state of Consciousness(AKA Spirit, Soul, whatever - all share the attribute of being nonphysical).

Probably my personality grasped the correct dynamic because at that time I was still a practicing alcoholic.

Which brings up, the actual process at work that serves the misunderstanding. As I noted previously, it's deeper than the intellect, but commonly addressed at that level.

There are lots and lots and lots of 'new' incarnations that are climbing the learning curve to the realization that the empath is no different that the non-practicing empath. They are just at different points on the curves journey. Thus different experiences.

Good article.
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by Zen on Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:09 pm

O.o
Who said it was ever a requirement to transmute people's energy? Weird!
I've never seen this.

Although I can't really complain about having the ability to turn negative energy to a positive.
And if you loose yourself as an Empath in the pain process of another person, I think it just means you're attached to the negativity. If you let it go, eventually the whole drain issue goes away.
Perhaps this author was feeling this process in himself as an Empath.

I'm sorry to say but in this world as HSP and empaths learning to heal negative energy in yourself is (to me) almost necessary to be a part of everyday life. Before I went out of my way to learn and I first joined this site, I was like paralyzed by every little thing.
Perhaps in this way it may seem a "requirement."

Rescuing people though is pretty fruitless, they need to learn to transmute their own negative energy Lol.
You can help them only by transforming yourself, and that assumes they even listen to you.
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by Cat on Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:56 pm

Agreed with Zen here - I think the "transmuting of energy" is really about transmuting it within ourselves.

I just read an empath book that described the draining experience of a rockstar constantly up against the swirling energies of neediness, want, lust, and negativity prevalent in the audience of a rock concert. As a performer, he was trying to heal or transmute this energy with his own performance/positive vibes...and continually coming up short. As a result, he felt drained and exhausted every night.

Once he learned how to let those negative energies pass through him like a wave, letting them remain whatever they are, he was able to stay unaffected as a calm/positive presence simply for himself. In doing that, he was helping to lighten the room just by way of his own individual experience, and not via "rescuing" or trying to take on and hold anybody else's energy.
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by melodiccolor on Thu Apr 20, 2017 2:15 pm

Once he learned how to let those negative energies pass through him like a wave, letting them remain whatever they are, he was able to stay unaffected as a calm/positive presence simply for himself. In doing that, he was helping to lighten the room just by way of his own individual experience, and not via "rescuing" or trying to take on and hold anybody else's energy.

This is so key.

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Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by Cat on Mon May 01, 2017 12:51 am

melodiccolor wrote:
Once he learned how to let those negative energies pass through him like a wave, letting them remain whatever they are, he was able to stay unaffected as a calm/positive presence simply for himself. In doing that, he was helping to lighten the room just by way of his own individual experience, and not via "rescuing" or trying to take on and hold anybody else's energy.

This is so key.

Agreed. I'm trying to think of it as "Surrendering to what is as it is, while staying centered in myself."

Thought this article was also helpful - https://www.annasayce.com/how-to-turn-off-overactive-empathy/

"Notice how much you’re focusing on the other person in any given situation – whether it’s emotional counseling and listening to someone’s problems; interacting with someone in a social setting; walking down the street and just observing those around you or whatever.  For you as an empath it will be second nature to you to focus a great deal on others, so you might not have ever noticed how much you do this. When you notice that you’re over-identifying with another person and their energy, it’s best to bring your energy back to you. You can do this very simply by pinching yourself, noticing how YOU feel in that moment, or by noticing something that you like ‘ie. I like that colour’ or ‘I like how comfy this chair is’."

and

"Overactive empathy is an act of self-sacrifice. Is it fun to absorb a load of negative energy that isn’t yours? No! What is negative and what does not serve you cannot serve someone else. It’s called spreading the fear instead of the love...acts of self-sacrifice (like putting someone else’s needs above your own) deplete you. Instead look for a win-win situation, not a win-lose situation for you. Self-sacrifice is never in the highest good of all. It’s not win-win."
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by melodiccolor on Mon May 01, 2017 2:39 pm

Those are key points as well.

It's amazing though how people get upset when you're not willing to self sacrifice in this way.  When this happens I just feel/sense/intuit they don't really want my support but rather something else from me, in effect using me to their own gain and my detriment.  From those, I walk away with a clear conscious.

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All you need for a rich life is to see more.
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by Zen on Tue May 02, 2017 2:58 am

I just remember what Alethia suggests a lot, remember it's all you.
There really is not an other or an "outside" unless you decide there is lol.

People really do copy your "presence" and the space you come from.
Validation seeker or manipulator types don't really get to me, not sure what I did to let that go.
It's probably not having expectations of people lol.
I also don't see it as being manipulated or tricked by another person, but like viewing a walking insecurity or pain that humans experience. In that instance of betraying or cheating themselves, they forget who they are and are temporarily ruled by whatever pain or feeling or issue it is.
Some of their annoying behavior is, at it's core, to find out who they are since life involves many mistakes.
I've had people help me through some of mine, so I like to return the favor.

So I try not to judge really. I'm the one who wanted to connect deeply to the realness in people so I'm the one who has invited the interaction to begin with.
I take the chance to help people when life tosses me somebody who reaches out to me in this way.
It's really not a big chore and I don't find myself sacrificing anything.



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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by Cat on Thu May 04, 2017 5:00 am

melodiccolor wrote:Those are key points as well.

It's amazing though how people get upset when you're not willing to self sacrifice in this way.  When this happens I just feel/sense/intuit they don't really want my support but rather something else from me, in effect using me to their own gain and my detriment.  From those, I walk away with a clear conscious.

Right, in my experience the person that keeps to themselves is often cast as the villain. For me, embracing this false role of "bad person" helps me have a sense of humor about it.

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Post by Alethia on Mon May 08, 2017 7:06 pm

Zen wrote:I just remember what Alethia suggests a lot, remember it's all you.
There really is not an other or an "outside" unless you decide there is lol.

People really do copy your "presence" and the space you come from.
Validation seeker or manipulator types don't really get to me, not sure what I did to let that go.
It's probably not having expectations of people lol.
I also don't see it as being manipulated or tricked by another person, but like viewing a walking insecurity or pain that humans experience. In that instance of betraying or cheating themselves, they forget who they are and are temporarily ruled by whatever pain or feeling or issue it is.
Some of their annoying behavior is, at it's core, to find out who they are since life involves many mistakes.
I've had people help me through some of mine, so I like to return the favor.

So I try not to judge really. I'm the one who wanted to connect deeply to the realness in people so I'm the one who has invited the interaction to begin with.
I take the chance to help people when life tosses me somebody who reaches out to me in this way.
It's really not a big chore and I don't find myself sacrificing anything.




It seems I heard my named mentioned.. alien

Where you are and what you attract lends us choices in how we relate and offer our own presence. So sometimes we make choices to ignore, move away, let go, relate and connect when what is there is not to our liking, preference, but I see that if it lands it can open you to look more closely at yourself and what it might be showing you for you. There are many reasons we come up with for why we close off, shut down, connect and blend with some and not others. Human nature leads itself and chooses for itself where it can. People blinded to their own behaviours most often cant see any other way, till they can see another way. There can be a deeper understanding carried in yourself around others as they are and as I see it, the more you let the "restrictions" in yourself go, the more your own presence can be present anywhere with what is.

Being a model of what you wish to be in the world, reflects itself naturally. What moves and changes from that outside of you is what another is able to feel and open to more freely when "we" are not restricting the energy flow, the transmutation process within ourselves, so being fully open means choices and preferences often are in that open state as well, even as our "human" needs might require choice and preferences to be a part of our life process. Life is continuous so everything moves in that stream if we are open to let it/ourselves move and change with that flow of life.

The transmutation process is occurring ongoing in life interacting in everyway of itself because all life is interacting, whether one can "see" or "feel" it or not. The interconnectedness of all life moves as a complete source and process of all life in process..
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default Re: Empaths are Not Here to Transmute Other People’s Energy

Post by Cat on Mon Jun 05, 2017 5:57 pm

melodiccolor wrote:
Once he learned how to let those negative energies pass through him like a wave, letting them remain whatever they are, he was able to stay unaffected as a calm/positive presence simply for himself. In doing that, he was helping to lighten the room just by way of his own individual experience, and not via "rescuing" or trying to take on and hold anybody else's energy.

This is so key.

I've been noticing this more now when I look at the growth of various performance artists. Here's one I love - you can see her energy dramatically shift from trying to uplift/spread positive energy to simply radiating that energy while standing centered in herself...





Of course there are million other factors contributing to the difference, but I thought this was a nice visual example of the "trying" vs. "being" presence.
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