In the state of happiness

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default In the state of happiness

Post by melodiccolor on Thu Jan 19, 2017 4:50 pm

After a very rough year, I was thinking this morning of how easy it is for me to feel happy and how much it takes for me to hurt, be sad or grieving, even now.

All it takes to make me really happy, even in the middle of grieving, is sublime music, discovering a new dish, musician, music genre, art, my cats antics, a deeply satisfying or funny book, tv show or movie, small moments of beauty and joy, a great discussion or connection with someone, a shared moment; all those small things that can happen at any time.

It takes a lot to move me out of that space; like a deliberate attack or cruelty, someone dying, or someone dear to me hurting badly, or being overwhelmed by unrelenting things going wrong without time to recover. I don't tend to stay in the space that is not happy for long, fortunately.

I know how I relate to the world emotionally is fundamentally different than most others; this really has been driven home. So I'm asking you, how it is for you? Are you able to enjoy time in the state of happiness easily? Or do the things life throw at you keep you out of it? Any insight as to why either way?

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

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default Re: In the state of happiness

Post by Cat on Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:25 pm

I've been thinking on this one.

This has been a rough year for me too - but after reflecting on it, it included some of those major things you mentioned. (Deliberate cruelty, overwhelmed by things without time to recover, people close to me hurting badly) I've been pretty depressed and anxious lately, but looking at all of these things together now seems to make more sense.

Otherwise, my list of contentment is very similar to yours. A moving film will leave me feeling fulfilled a week after watching it, a moment of real connection, little moments of beauty and creativity. (I think I've had this tendency since childhood as well - I spent hours watching films like Jim Henson's Labyrinth on repeat without needing much more novelty than that. Sort of an obsessive quality of being able to appreciate the layers of things maybe? I'm not sure. Or maybe just the finding a deep connection within a particular thing and diving into that. People think my lack of variety can be nuts haha)

melodiccolor wrote:
I know how I relate to the world emotionally is fundamentally different than most others;  this really has been driven home.

Funny you say this, I was just talking to someone about how I rarely find people who feel really deeply moved by this genre of slow, dreamy music I love. After attending a live concert once, my friends at the time told me they found it "boring" more than anything, and weren't really interested in seeing it again. (Which, I understand that we all have different tastes, but the idea of other people not being able to feel any sort of deep emotions from the experience blew my mind. Disagreement and dislike make sense to me, but to not feel any type of emotional experience/reaction at all doesn't.)
When I asked them about this, they just asked me "What are you even feeling from it so deeply?" and I couldn't really articulate an answer, just that I felt...something. Inner harmony maybe.

It seems like most things I feel really moved by are just sort of "there" or "boring" to others. Is this what you mean too?

Overall, I am not sure if I would say I am able to enjoy time in the state of happiness easily. I tend to feel anxious and out of place during daylight hours, and just sort of soldier through. But maybe this is what makes me feel really deeply and intensely satisfied when I do experience those moments of calm and connection.

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default Re: In the state of happiness

Post by melodiccolor on Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:16 pm

I did a long reply but the site went down again and it was lost. I reply again tomorrow. (sigh)

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Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

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default Re: In the state of happiness

Post by melodiccolor on Tue Jan 31, 2017 4:29 pm

Cat wrote:I've been thinking on this one.

This has been a rough year for me too - but after reflecting on it, it included some of those major things you mentioned. (Deliberate cruelty, overwhelmed by things without time to recover, people close to me hurting badly) I've been pretty depressed and anxious lately, but looking at all of these things together now seems to make more sense.

Otherwise, my list of contentment is very similar to yours. A moving film will leave me feeling fulfilled a week after watching it, a moment of real connection, little moments of beauty and creativity. (I think I've had this tendency since childhood as well - I spent hours watching films like Jim Henson's Labyrinth on repeat without needing much more novelty than that. Sort of an obsessive quality of being able to appreciate the layers of things maybe? I'm not sure. Or maybe just the finding a deep connection within a particular thing and diving into that. People think my lack of variety can be nuts haha)

melodiccolor wrote:
I know how I relate to the world emotionally is fundamentally different than most others;  this really has been driven home.

Funny you say this, I was just talking to someone about how I rarely find people who feel really deeply moved by this genre of slow, dreamy music I love. After attending a live concert once, my friends at the time told me they found it "boring" more than anything, and weren't really interested in seeing it again. (Which, I understand that we all have different tastes, but the idea of other people not being able to feel any sort of deep emotions from the experience blew my mind. Disagreement and dislike make sense to me, but to not feel any type of emotional experience/reaction at all doesn't.)
When I asked them about this, they just asked me "What are you even feeling from it so deeply?" and I couldn't really articulate an answer, just that I felt...something. Inner harmony maybe.

It seems like most things I feel really moved by are just sort of "there" or "boring" to others. Is this what you mean too?

Overall, I am not sure if I would say I am able to enjoy time in the state of happiness easily. I tend to feel anxious and out of place during daylight hours, and just sort of soldier through. But maybe this is what makes me feel really deeply and intensely satisfied when I do experience those moments of calm and connection.
Feeling intensely and deeply are hallmark HSP traits. When you encounter those who have no reaction at all to something, it means they are not connecting or interacting to it in any way; it is meaningless to them. I find nonHSP of certain personality types to be more inclined to react in this way to anything outside of their normal range of life in general.

When I said I react differently than most people, I do even than most HSP. It's because of how I relate to my emotions. To me they are information, telling me about the situation I am in and about myself and about the space between the two. When things don't make sense, even when they hurt, my response first is bewilderment, not fear; and my reaction to this is to seek clarity, not to get away. It has been this way since I was a baby; I have memories back that far and more throughout childhood. I do not fear my emotions as a result, do not try to control them; they are invaluable tools. I have yet to meet someone else who relates to their emotions in this way; even those who are very emotionally healthy. It's been an eye opening journey to discover just how different other people are to me in this way.

Also, even other HSP have been shocked at the intensity and strength of my emotions shown fully. Many have run from me as a result, sadly, not knowing how to deal. This to me has also been bewildering. I do understand in part; it's the emotions they fear in themselves that scare them in me expressed clearly without muddiness of other things attached. But that is only part of it.

This way or relating to my emotions has resulted in a minimum of attaching and muddying with generalizing to things in the past that are unrelated; has made it easier to spot when I've done so and made it easier to process fully and let things go. This has served me well; as a child, I was bullied by kids both my age and older, disliked by the adults around me as being too different in school, and yet I was able to let it go once it stopped and heal quickly if even one teacher or person saw me for who I was and acted accordingly. They made all the difference and in spite of everything, eventually I was thriving. I have had to make my own way with little support many times in my childhood and in my life so I learned early my own strengths. Another way I am different from many others is that I always believed in myself and never lost that state of trust and wonder small kids have.

The good news is, I have seen others get to where I have always been; it is possible for anyone with enough determination and work. I have also seen those who too have always known their own strengths and never lost their trust. They shine in the face of adversity. In this way I am not so unique; I just wish it were more common.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

melodiccolor
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default Re: In the state of happiness

Post by RBM on Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:15 pm

MC wrote:
The good news is, I have seen others get to where I have always been; it is possible for anyone with enough determination and work. I have also seen those who too have always known their own strengths and never lost their trust. They shine in the face of adversity. In this way I am not so unique; I just wish it were more common.

Reminds me of one of Tom Campbell's quotes I really like - and really work hard on - 'Live gracefully with uncertainty."

The hard work is when you find a fear popping into your head, that just spreads moment to moment. Till the physical event that your are engaged in, that brought out the fear, is over.

Happened to me today at work. More often than not, though it's easy to work on, to the extent it's fuuuuuuuun.

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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:52 pm

RBM wrote:
MC wrote:
The good news is, I have seen others get to where I have always been; it is possible for anyone with enough determination and work. I have also seen those who too have always known their own strengths and never lost their trust. They shine in the face of adversity. In this way I am not so unique; I just wish it were more common.

Reminds me of one of Tom Campbell's quotes I really like - and really work hard on - 'Live gracefully with uncertainty."

The hard work is when you find a fear popping into your head, that just spreads moment to moment. Till the physical event that your are engaged in, that brought out the fear, is over.

Happened to me today at work. More often than not, though it's easy to work on, to the extent it's fuuuuuuuun.
Why did that fear appear?  What is it telling you about the situation you were in or about yourself?  This is what I mean by valuable information.  Once you hear this, it tends to fade of it's own accord or it lets you know it needs to be there in that moment and will fade when it's no longer needed.

Tom Cambell's quote is a good one.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

melodiccolor
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default Re: In the state of happiness

Post by RBM on Sat Feb 04, 2017 6:17 pm

melodiccolor wrote:
RBM wrote:
MC wrote:
The good news is, I have seen others get to where I have always been; it is possible for anyone with enough determination and work. I have also seen those who too have always known their own strengths and never lost their trust. They shine in the face of adversity. In this way I am not so unique; I just wish it were more common.

Reminds me of one of Tom Campbell's quotes I really like - and really work hard on - 'Live gracefully with uncertainty."

The hard work is when you find a fear popping into your head, that just spreads moment to moment. Till the physical event that your are engaged in, that brought out the fear, is over.

Happened to me today at work. More often than not, though it's easy to work on, to the extent it's fuuuuuuuun.
Why did that fear appear?  What is it telling you about the situation you were in or about yourself?  This is what I mean by valuable information.  Once you hear this, it tends to fade of it's own accord or it lets you know it needs to be there in that moment and will fade when it's no longer needed.

Tom Cambell's quote is a good one.

The analysis of the fear takes me all the way back to core family dysfunctions dealing with trust of authority, and other fundamental issues. It's a well worn path in my life this incarnation and likely goes to issues that I am supposed to learn this incarnation.

The other element to the intellectual analysis goes to growing the Being state of consciousness more toward caring and compassion of others instead of the alternative of selfishness. That element is a long term developmental aspect, meaning over a single lifetime. Colloquially, it's called job stress.

Job hunting is ongoing.

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default Re: In the state of happiness

Post by melodiccolor on Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:49 pm

Ah, so "live gracefully with uncertaintly" really applies. Truly it's not about trusting authority, it's having faith and trust in yourself and your journey, that you will find the way and either the perfect job will show or you will discover another even better solution. With faith that it will show, you tend to notice when it does, even if it comes from unlikely places. With trust in yourself, you'll be willing to explore what comes your way openly.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

melodiccolor
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Post by RBM on Sun Feb 05, 2017 10:50 am

melodiccolor wrote:Ah, so "live gracefully with uncertaintly" really applies.  Truly it's not about trusting authority, it's having faith and trust in yourself and your journey, that you will find the way and either the perfect job will show or you will discover another even better solution.  With faith that it will show, you tend to notice when it does, even if it comes from unlikely places.  With trust in yourself, you'll be willing to explore what comes your way openly.

Yeah, the uncertainty is finding employment in which the trust in authority can be validated because of the competence that the authority has. Which is missing in this employment case and is my lesson to learn to not let it affect me emotionally. Since I no longer get angry at the incompetence, I can say I've made progress, but it does bring up a more ambiguous fear so the journey isn't over.

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