Love and it's opposite

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default Love and it's opposite

Post by melodiccolor on Sun Jan 15, 2017 6:31 pm

I suspect things are a bit more complex than this, but for the sake of discussion, I'll just post this idea.

The opposite of love is not hate but control. Thoughts? Is there a balance between the two that is optimal?

I came up with this after reading a passage in a fun novel and then letting my mind wander while drifting off to sleep last night. I don't believe there are true opposites exactly, but there are poles on spectrum that are influenced by other things still. Control and Love seem to be such poles.

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default Re: Love and it's opposite

Post by Cat on Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:21 pm

Eee super interesting!

I'd say I agree - because when you try to control, it's self-focused - it's about trying to get a need of yours met. It's hard to fully see another person for who they are when you are focused on getting something from them/getting your own need met. Whereas love means seeing someone for who they are, and fully accepting/loving that - regardless of whether or not they doing anything for you.

There's a TED talk called "Dare to Disagree" that talks about a pair of married scientists who were constantly at each other's throats with disagreements, but still viewed this as "love" because they were willing to constantly challenge each other and keep at it. So this is kind of how I view "hate" as being part of love. (Or as my friend says, love to him means "getting to that point where you want to kill the other person, but choosing not to do it" HAHA.) Other people view this as unhealthy/dysfunctional, to me it's the "hard-edged romantic" view. (As opposed to "soft romance" which is more about comfort, agreement, sentimental things.)

(To me, dysfunctional would mean the fighting/disagreements/"hate" are focused on actually weakening the other person rather than helping them grow. So in that case... that would also come back to *control* rather than hate.)

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default Re: Love and it's opposite

Post by melodiccolor on Mon Jan 16, 2017 4:47 pm

Cat wrote:Eee super interesting!

I'd say I agree - because when you try to control, it's self-focused - it's about trying to get a need of yours met. It's hard to fully see another person for who they are when you are focused on getting something from them/getting your own need met. Whereas love means seeing someone for who they are, and fully accepting/loving that - regardless of whether or not they doing anything for you.

That's what I was thinking too. But I also posted this on our Facebook page and someone thought that fear was the opposite of love and that control was a manifestation of fear. She has an excellent point.

There's a TED talk called "Dare to Disagree" that talks about a pair of married scientists who were constantly at each other's throats with disagreements, but still viewed this as "love" because they were willing to constantly challenge each other and keep at it. So this is kind of how I view "hate" as being part of love. (Or as my friend says, love to him means "getting to that point where you want to kill the other person, but choosing not to do it" HAHA.) Other people view this as unhealthy/dysfunctional, to me it's the "hard-edged romantic" view. (As opposed to "soft romance" which is more about comfort, agreement, sentimental things.)

Interesting. Perhaps what others viewed as rancid disagreement was instead great passion. Passionate debate, where both gain can look like serious fighting to outsiders, but both are enjoying the process and gain by it.

(To me, dysfunctional would mean the fighting/disagreements/"hate" are focused on actually weakening the other person rather than helping them grow. So in that case...  that would also come back to *control* rather than hate.)

Yes, tearing down instead of building up, rejecting the other person rather than accepting. Great post!


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