7 Ways to Be Yourself When Others Disapprove

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default 7 Ways to Be Yourself When Others Disapprove

Post by Cat on Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:37 am

http://www.coachingpositiveperformance.com/7-ways-to-be-yourself-when-others-disapprove/

"You do not need to convince others of your beliefs. If they wish to argue, inform them that you are comfortable with your beliefs, that you respect their right to their beliefs and that you are happy to agree to disagree."


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Post by melodiccolor on Thu Dec 01, 2016 5:05 pm

Good solid advice.

When I was in my teens and 20s, it seemed everyone made it their mission to change me, to get me to fit in. I soon came to the realization that I could be no one but me and that to try and be someone I was not was folly.

This made a lot of people unhappy, but that didn't concern me.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

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Post by Cat on Wed Dec 07, 2016 12:10 am

melodiccolor wrote:Good solid advice.

When I was in my teens and 20s, it seemed everyone made it their mission to change me, to get me to fit in.  I soon came to the realization that I could be no one but me and that to try and be someone I was not was folly.  

This made a lot of people unhappy, but that didn't concern me.

Really admire you for this Mel. What were some of the ways people tried to make you fit in?


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Post by melodiccolor on Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:02 pm

Oh, lots of comments like "you'll never find a good man if you keep appearing so smart (I got told by a few people on this one)" to "you have to learn how to type if you want to find a job. That's just how it is for a woman." At the time there was some truth to that 2nd one, but I totally rebelled against it and refused to take typing until I needed it for papers once at college. People would buy me things they thought a proper woman must use that I didn't like heavily perfumed powder or certain cosmetics.

I once got publicly humiliated over my intelligence and dressed down about it a few times because people thought I was faking things (I wasn't, just sharing my views, thoughts and experiences). I got comments about my intensity too. Not to mention being "overly sensitive".... Rolling Eyes

I am a very very good brick wall when I need to be when pushed to "change for the better" which never was.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

melodiccolor
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Post by _Tristan_ on Fri Dec 09, 2016 9:20 pm

melodiccolor wrote:
I once got publicly humiliated over my intelligence and dressed down about it a few times because people thought I was faking things (I wasn't, just sharing my views, thoughts and experiences).  I got comments about my intensity too.  Not to mention being "overly sensitive".... Rolling Eyes

I am a very very good brick wall when I need to be when pushed to "change for the better" which never was.

The bits about being too intense or being overly sensitive happen to me often.

Did you ever happen to give a good answer and have it be ignored by everybody like they didn't hear any thing? Especially in class, that happens very often.
Monopoly of information seems to be the prized currency. Also, making things appear more difficult than they are.

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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Dec 09, 2016 10:14 pm

Back then (I did this as a young child too), when I read in people a closed mind, I just did the white rebellion bit;  that is nod and then change the topic.  I knew their opinions were incorrect but I found no point in correcting them.

Come to think of it, when I encounter someone who is not open, I still do the white rebellion bit, lol.  It's just that now I seem to encounter it less often.  It is not my place to change others;  they have their own path and life lessons to learn, as do we all.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

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Post by _Tristan_ on Sat Dec 10, 2016 9:12 am

melodiccolor wrote:Back then (I did this as a young child too), when I read in people a closed mind, I just did the white rebellion bit;  that is nod and then change the topic.  I knew their opinions were incorrect but I found no point in correcting them.

Come to think of it, when I encounter someone who is not open, I still do the white rebellion bit, lol.  It's just that now I seem to encounter it less often.  It is not my place to change others;  they have their own path and life lessons to learn, as do we all.

But how do you deal with it, when, to a certain extent, they can be an impediment to your evolution? For instance, a superior at work or a professor at school?

Lately, I finally came to the conclusion that people are the way they are and it is not my duty to change them. Whenever I feel the impulse (because I am an idealist and believe in people achieving their potential), I take a deep breath and try to let it go.
But what throws me for a loop is somebody trying to limit me and being in a position that allow them to do so. It make me feel trapped.

It seems to me that you have some things figured out and by that I mean: you've found satisfactory ways of dealing with people. I struggle with that a lot.

I am still trying to figure out a path that can give me a little bit of fulfillment, allow me to earn a decent living and afford me the freedom that I desire. scratch

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Post by melodiccolor on Sat Dec 10, 2016 3:28 pm

It's simple really. I always have refused to allow others to limit me. They can control the environment I am in when they have the authority, such as a teacher when I was in grade school or a boss at work. But they can't control ME. I CHOOSE whether to go along or not and accept the consequences willingly either way. I have always been this way, even as a child. When you allow others to define you, you are giving away your power. You can at any point choose to take it back.

I did find early on that I was far happier self employed than working for others in general. I did one time have a great boss, but she, I think was wired as I was and encouraged me to do what I thought best in the job. I had great creative license. For the most part though, from the time I was 15 until now, I have been self employed and I have enjoyed it very much.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.

melodiccolor
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Post by _Tristan_ on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:50 am

melodiccolor wrote:It's simple really.  I always have refused to allow others to limit me.  They can control the environment I am in when they have the authority, such as a teacher when I was in grade school or a boss at work.  But they can't control ME.  I CHOOSE whether to go along or not and accept the consequences willingly either way.  I have always been this way, even as a child.  When you allow others to define you, you are giving away your power.  You can at any point choose to take it back.

I did find early on that I was far happier self employed than working for others in general.  I did one time have a great boss, but she, I think was wired as I was and encouraged me to do what I thought best in the job.  I had great creative license.  For the most part though, from the time I was 15 until now, I have been self employed and I have enjoyed it very much.

Ultimately, this is what I am trying to do. Become self employed.
Even then, I am still trying to figure out what exactly to do and how to set it up.

But for now I've gone back to school because there is something I want to learn and after extensive research, I realized that I can't do it any other way.

Regarding limitations, to a certain extent, I've been like you but I find myself facing a conundrum.
On the one hand, I know that when I react, things are going to spin out of control, which is going to make continuing my studies very unpleasant. On the other hand, my interests are already limited; so, I wouldn't know what to do next wether it be interests to pursue or how to earn a living.

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