Linguistic Insanity?

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default Linguistic Insanity?

Post by melodiccolor on Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:59 pm

Arrived in my email box:

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.
A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

You think English is easy??


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present the present.

Cool A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg
in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England
or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index,
2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run
and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while
a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to
marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a
form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by
going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out,
they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

_________________
Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.
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