Can you truly belong somewhere and still retain your values?

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default Can you truly belong somewhere and still retain your values?

Post by Riana on Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:16 am

I've always felt this tension between my need to be alone and my heartfelt desire to truly connect with people.
There are only two people I see on a regular basis: my boyfriend and my best friend. I'm sure many people here can relate to needing a lot of time for yourself and being easily overwhelmed by the company of others. Still, this tension keeps haunting me, for I've felt very sad a lot of times because of the fact that I was unable to make more friends. Although I know that we can get all the love we need from ourselves, I still long to "belong" somewhere, to really connect to a group of people, and to share love and feel at home.
Then again, maybe if it truly happened, I would feel overwhelmed and withdraw anyway. Also, after some failed attempts at belonging to a group, I was left wondering if it doesn't come with a high price: the need to conform and to release at least a little of your individuality. As an INFP, this is difficult to almost impossible for me to do. My values are my compass, my foundation, and to give them up for someone else would make me very unhappy.

I know that HSP's can have difficulties with making friends (although not necessarily) and I was wondering, what are your priorities and feelings concerning this topic?
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default Re: Can you truly belong somewhere and still retain your values?

Post by frmthhrt on Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:09 pm

I do not think that you have to give up any of your individuality to belong to a group. You can decide how deeply to get involved...and I know how difficult it can be to not immerse yourself in something...but you do get to choose. Just remember to be you.
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default Re: Can you truly belong somewhere and still retain your values?

Post by Zen on Wed Feb 27, 2013 3:16 pm

I had this feeling for a long time, and then I found somewhere I felt I belonged, and eventually got kicked out.

Then I realized, you're always where you belong, it's just something like a wall dividing you from accepting that you're where you need to be in your life even if it isn't what you want at the time.

Belong in your own mind first, then you'll just naturally attract the type of people you seek.
If you have to compromise values, then you're either around a casual relationship type group, or around the wrong people.
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default Re: Can you truly belong somewhere and still retain your values?

Post by Riana on Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:51 am

Thank you, frmthhrt and Zen, there is a lot of wisdom in your replies. Yes, we are always where we're meant to be, but it's hard to accept sometimes. Acceptance is key.
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default Re: Can you truly belong somewhere and still retain your values?

Post by melodiccolor on Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:56 pm

Riana wrote:Thank you, frmthhrt and Zen, there is a lot of wisdom in your replies. Yes, we are always where we're meant to be, but it's hard to accept sometimes. Acceptance is key.

Acceptance and kindness to one's self too; to be ok with where you are at the moment, knowing that you are trying and growing. The journey is every bit as important as the destination; there is no rushing it, no short cuts.

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