I am NOT sorry!

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default I am NOT sorry!

Post by Riana on Wed Nov 21, 2012 6:45 am

source: http://galadarling.com/article/i-am-not-sorry

When I saw this video of Dyana Valentine speaking at TEDxOjai Women, I was elated. I felt psyched. In her presentation, Dyana spoke about the word “no”, & how we use it.

We’ve built up this culture of “saying sorry” when really, we mean something else. Mostly, when we say “sorry”, we mean, “no”. It’s a way of covering your ass: I don’t want to say no, because you’re going to think I’m mean, so I’ll just say sorry.

I think it goes further than that. Saying sorry is a way of diminishing ourselves, our wants & our desires. WE ARE APOLOGISING FOR OUR LIVES. It’s about not taking up space, like how girls are slowly killing themselves to be a size 0. Literally, they are wishing to be nothing.

You exist & you are fantastic! Anyone who has a problem with that — & I mean ANYONE! — will have to answer to me, my pink boxing gloves, & my army of radical self love warriors!

Drop the apologies. Don’t apologise for simply EXISTING. That is ridiculous! Let’s make a pact that we will only say sorry when we really, truly mean it; not in place of “excuse me”, or “no”, or anything else.

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE. Never be ashamed of that. Own it! Love it! You only have one life.

If reading about this fires you up, GOOD! Let’s take that energy & do something fantastic with it.

A radical self love exercise
1. Start to make a list of things you are NOT GOING TO APOLOGISE FOR anymore.

Ideas: I am not going to apologise for being different. I am not going to apologise for speaking my mind. I am not going to apologise for offending the political correctness brigade. I am not going to apologise for being gay. I am not going to apologise for wearing what I want to wear. I am not going to apologise for taking photos of myself! I am not going to apologise for not being what everyone else wants me to be. I am not going to apologise for being uncategorisable. I am not going to be apologise for my age. I am not going to apologise for spelling “apologise” with an s & not a z!

2. Follow up this list with I AM statements.

Ideas: I am gorgeous. I am brilliant. I am unconventional. I am brave. I am loud. I am quiet. I am bizarre. I am loving. I am loved. I am smart. I am complicated. I am compassionate. I am ridiculous. I am funny. I am unusual. I am always trying to be the best version of myself. I am fucking awesome.

Put all of this stuff into your radical self love bible. You can start a new “I’M NOT SORRY/I AM” list whenever you feel the need!
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Post by melodiccolor on Wed Nov 21, 2012 4:27 pm

I fully agree; it's about empowering. People will get irate with you at times over this, but so what? You are entitled to be you.

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Post by Dreamspace on Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:11 pm

I agree with this to an extent. There are certain things you shouldn't apologize for, and if it's simply failure to conform or being of your own mind, then it you are just apologizing for being yourself. However, the article remarks we should still apologize when we mean it, and I'm not so sure if I subscribe to the "Here I am. If you can't handle me, that's your problem" attitude. There are times when others are being oppressive — namely genuine cases of discrimination — and there are times where you're getting that sort of response simply because you're being provocative.

I'm a gaffe-prone individual so sometimes I will inadvertently offend others. It's not my intent to do this, but if I don't apologize it will appear as though I intended the full effect of the statements. There are times when I am just being honest, just being myself, and others just take it the wrong way. I believe I should hold myself accountable for the effect I had caused irrespective of my intentions. I don't place my comfort above everybody else's feelings.

I have very poor judgment in social situations, and while it may be abundantly clear how a person seems to be responding, I don't usually understand why. I will detect agitation, but I won't understand where it stems from. It seems the way most people's feelings work is fundamentally different from my own. This doesn't invalidate them by any means, especially when I seem to be the odd one out. It just means I have to do my best not to offend others and clean up any messes I make along the way by being clumsy.
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Post by BlueTopaz on Thu Nov 22, 2012 5:03 pm

Excellent post.
I wish you could come live with me and coach me everyday!!

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Post by rombomb on Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:02 am

Riana wrote:
Drop the apologies. Don’t apologise for simply EXISTING. That is ridiculous! Let’s make a pact that we will only say sorry when we really, truly mean it; not in place of “excuse me”, or “no”, or anything else.
I stopped apologizing a little less than a year ago. I don't see the point of it.

If I make a mistake that affects someone, I'll admit it, and (depending on the person and on how many times I've made that specific type of mistake) I may explain how I'm going to solve the problem that caused the mistake.

Whats the point of apologizing? What problem does it solve?

Riana wrote:
YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE. Never be ashamed of that. Own it! Love it! You only have one life.

If reading about this fires you up, GOOD! Let’s take that energy & do something fantastic with it.

A radical self love exercise
1. Start to make a list of things you are NOT GOING TO APOLOGISE FOR anymore.
Everything. Actually now I want to make a list of things that I should apologize for. So far my list is empty.

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Post by Riana on Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:03 pm

It was good and much needed to reread this post Smile
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Post by Alethia on Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:50 pm

I'm sorry did I miss something here.. Surprised
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Post by Riana on Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:06 am

You missed this fabulous thread of mine, but you are here now so all is well Wink
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Post by Alethia on Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:36 am

I am so sorry I missed it Riana.. Surprised
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Post by rombomb on Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:43 pm

Alethia wrote:I am so sorry I missed it Riana.. Surprised

I read that and was like "huh, whats she talking about?"

and I continued doing what I was doing (email) and then I realized it was a joke. Smile

It was a few seconds before it dawned on me.

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Post by Alethia on Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:38 am

rombomb wrote:
Alethia wrote:I am so sorry I missed it Riana.. Surprised

I read that and was like "huh, whats she talking about?"

and I continued doing what I was doing (email) and then I realized it was a joke. Smile

It was a few seconds before it dawned on me.

sunny
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