The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

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default The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by Riana on Wed Aug 15, 2012 6:11 am

Yesterday evening, I felt called from within to write about this subject. I felt like there was something inside of me waiting to burst and I will share the results with you here ^^

Rigid structures are based on fear. A lot of relationships and marriages are based on fear and insecurity. They trample on Love with their many rules and regulations. Love always sets the other free. Love accepts and heals. Love trusts the bond that two people share. When this is the case, and fear and insecurity are released, there is often in reality no place for a third person anyway, when the space between the couple is filled with open and loving energy, when the core of someone is surrounded with love, without trying to hold on to it. If you live from your own core, the need for validation from the other will disappear. Love will not be limited, but is also never disrespectful.

To be in a truly Loving relationship, you need to have a strong center and sense of Self. When you have this, the need to control someone else, to catch and hold on to someone else, and the need to label what's there between both of you will disappear. You will realise that freedom and trust cannot be separated from Love. Love always let's go, and let's go again. You cannot control someone else, nor is this the point of being in union. The point of being in union is truly sensing, seeing and loving each other's core, and allowing yourself and the other to just be. Your heart is completely open, and their heart is completely open, and when a wall comes up between you, you will see this as an opportunity to learn and you will teach yourselves how to break it down and grow. The need to be completely open with each other cannot be overstated.

Marriage should be a celebration of the Love between you, not a ceremony where you attempt to tie down the Love and make it stale. You cannot force Love into promises. You cannot force yourself and the other in a rigid structure of rules and regulations and then expect the freshness and authenticity of Love to survive. How can I know if I will love my partner forevermore? To make such a promise would be untrue to myself. Love has its natural cycles, but people are terrified of these cycles and attempt to deny them. But to be in touch with these cycles makes a relationship so much more able to survive, then to expect everything to always stay the same. Love has different faces and modes of expression, and if we allow it to just be, it becomes richer and richer as the years pass.

Sometimes a relationship is not meant to last. When two people are aware and truly in touch with the Self, they will both realise when the time has come, and they will not feel like they lost their whole world, because they know that everything has a divine timing, and everything is as it should be. They know in their hearts that they are Love, and that Love can never be separated from them. Some relationships are meant to last a lifetime, while others are meant to show us something that we need to learn, and when the learning process is over, we part ways. Everything just is, and if we allow it to be, we can find true inner peace and knowing.

What are your thoughts on this subject?
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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by unicorn13 on Wed Aug 15, 2012 7:43 am

Riana wrote:
Marriage should be a celebration of the Love between you, not a ceremony where you attempt to tie down the Love and make it stale. You cannot force Love into promises. You cannot force yourself and the other in a rigid structure of rules and regulations and then expect the freshness and authenticity of Love to survive.

Love love love flower

I often told my husband before we were married and had this view for several years prior to meeting him, that being not married to him and him choosing to be with me everyday for the rest of my life from a place of freedom was a greater honour to me than being married and being with me by default... When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and did it in my own way so it was very personal with the entire ceremony scripted intuitively except for the 20 words that are legally in there (and of course his vows he wrote etc.)... I don't wear a ring, I designed a bracelet engraved with the line 'in infinity you will find our love' as a token of the ceremony and he did it in his own way in terms of dress and contributions... So he wears a ring with diamonds (yes seriously Wink)...

It became a ceremony to enhance the love rather than a ceremony to lock one into marriage so I love the words you wrote about this.

Note. Before adopting this view above I hated marriage in a feminist way and never wanted to be married from a defiant perspective thinking it was one of the highest forms of disrespect... This was what I thought of marriage going through uni and my view transformed after spiritual work, readings, inner learning etc. to one where marriage can be used as a vehicle and there is nothing but nothing that says you must become the marriage even though there's a certificate there and you can make it what you want... So all of these things were greatly liberating, plus it's been a handy tool for convenience purposes... Now the challenging part is often, you married - yes, got kids, no... Conversation ends there Wink
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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by Riana on Wed Aug 15, 2012 8:31 am

Sounds like a lovely ceremony you had with your husband, uni Smile If I ever get married (at the moment I'm not so sure ^^) I want to make it very personal too!
The solution to challenges is often not caring about what other people think or say, and just live your life your own way. Life truly is beautiful and it's such a blessing to just be. =)
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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by Zen on Wed Aug 15, 2012 12:47 pm

I think it's extremely complicated.
Because marriage is an economic and legal relationship in addition to the connection between two people plus any sacred aspects.

So you're balancing religious beliefs, political beliefs, economic issues, plus the interpersonal ones all why trying to work into society's traditions and images of marriage.

I think this is probably why we're seeing a lot of couples these days opt not to marry but they stay together like they were anyway.
They're more concerned about the legal and economic aspects I think of potential divorce knowing the stress it puts on their relationships.

As for the actual love side of things, society definitions and stuff aside.
I think it depends on person to person, but it is good to know what you stand for and what you're looking for with deal breakers and whatever. What kind of shared feelings in someone else complete you and them.
There's some stuff you just can't or won't compromise on.
And I suppose you really just know when the other person livens your heart. Mutual respect as equals is important I think, and accurate communication too.
I've almost always seen couples of people my age break up because of stupid misunderstandings in communication. My parents bicker over it all the time.
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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by Nucky on Wed Aug 15, 2012 6:45 pm

Riana wrote:Yesterday evening, I felt called from within to write about this subject. I felt like there was something inside of me waiting to burst and I will share the results with you here ^^

Rigid structures are based on fear. A lot of relationships and marriages are based on fear and insecurity. They trample on Love with their many rules and regulations. Love always sets the other free. Love accepts and heals. Love trusts the bond that two people share. When this is the case, and fear and insecurity are released, there is often in reality no place for a third person anyway, when the space between the couple is filled with open and loving energy, when the core of someone is surrounded with love, without trying to hold on to it. If you live from your own core, the need for validation from the other will disappear. Love will not be limited, but is also never disrespectful.

To be in a truly Loving relationship, you need to have a strong center and sense of Self. When you have this, the need to control someone else, to catch and hold on to someone else, and the need to label what's there between both of you will disappear. You will realise that freedom and trust cannot be separated from Love. Love always let's go, and let's go again. You cannot control someone else, nor is this the point of being in union. The point of being in union is truly sensing, seeing and loving each other's core, and allowing yourself and the other to just be. Your heart is completely open, and their heart is completely open, and when a wall comes up between you, you will see this as an opportunity to learn and you will teach yourselves how to break it down and grow. The need to be completely open with each other cannot be overstated.

Marriage should be a celebration of the Love between you, not a ceremony where you attempt to tie down the Love and make it stale. You cannot force Love into promises. You cannot force yourself and the other in a rigid structure of rules and regulations and then expect the freshness and authenticity of Love to survive. How can I know if I will love my partner forevermore? To make such a promise would be untrue to myself. Love has its natural cycles, but people are terrified of these cycles and attempt to deny them. But to be in touch with these cycles makes a relationship so much more able to survive, then to expect everything to always stay the same. Love has different faces and modes of expression, and if we allow it to just be, it becomes richer and richer as the years pass.

Sometimes a relationship is not meant to last. When two people are aware and truly in touch with the Self, they will both realise when the time has come, and they will not feel like they lost their whole world, because they know that everything has a divine timing, and everything is as it should be. They know in their hearts that they are Love, and that Love can never be separated from them. Some relationships are meant to last a lifetime, while others are meant to show us something that we need to learn, and when the learning process is over, we part ways. Everything just is, and if we allow it to be, we can find true inner peace and knowing.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

I agree completely.

I've seen some relationships that claim to be trusting of each other, but they still check their spouses' emails and phones, "just in case." In case of what, exactly? What's there to make sure of if there really is trust? If you have to check, then you're kidding yourself, you DON'T trust this person, and you need to find out why. (Obviously I'm using "you" in the general sense.)

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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by melodiccolor on Wed Aug 15, 2012 8:01 pm

To be in a truly Loving relationship, you need to have a strong center and sense of Self. When you have this, the need to control someone else, to catch and hold on to someone else, and the need to label what's there between both of you will disappear. You will realise that freedom and trust cannot be separated from Love. Love always let's go, and let's go again. You cannot control someone else, nor is this the point of being in union. The point of being in union is truly sensing, seeing and loving each other's core, and allowing yourself and the other to just be. Your heart is completely open, and their heart is completely open, and when a wall comes up between you, you will see this as an opportunity to learn and you will teach yourselves how to break it down and grow. The need to be completely open with each other cannot be overstated.

This is key. My husband and I have been married 32 years and have not only not sought to control one another but supported one another's dreams, doing what it took to see they were able to happen. I am fully free to be me, as is he. We are happy in who we are and we are happy married to one another. There is love, not the over the top romantic love of fiction, but the steady glow that has been there for what feels like always.

One other thing, when we met, we were not new to relationships or dating, but a bit older. We met, became engaged, moved in together and married all in the same year. When you trust yourself, all this becomes possible too.

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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by Riana on Thu Aug 16, 2012 7:15 am

Zen wrote:I think it's extremely complicated.
Because marriage is an economic and legal relationship in addition to the connection between two people plus any sacred aspects.

So you're balancing religious beliefs, political beliefs, economic issues, plus the interpersonal ones all why trying to work into society's traditions and images of marriage.

I think this is probably why we're seeing a lot of couples these days opt not to marry but they stay together like they were anyway.
They're more concerned about the legal and economic aspects I think of potential divorce knowing the stress it puts on their relationships.

As for the actual love side of things, society definitions and stuff aside.
I think it depends on person to person, but it is good to know what you stand for and what you're looking for with deal breakers and whatever. What kind of shared feelings in someone else complete you and them.
There's some stuff you just can't or won't compromise on.
And I suppose you really just know when the other person livens your heart. Mutual respect as equals is important I think, and accurate communication too.
I've almost always seen couples of people my age break up because of stupid misunderstandings in communication. My parents bicker over it all the time.

Communication is very important to be sure! I agree with you that there are things one shouldn't compromise on, and that we have the right (of course) to follow our inner values. Those values and your self-respect should be more important than the relationship you're in. I believe that Love with the capital L includes all those things: patience, understanding, good communication, respect for the other and for yourself, shared values etc. =)
Marriage just shouldn't feel like a chain you're on, with only responsibilities and obligations. It should first and foremost be based on love, respect, trust and mutual care for each other. I know that you can get certain economical benefits when you are married, but of course that shouldn't be the first reason to marry ^^ (I'm using a lot of should's while I actually don't even like the word lol)

Nucky wrote:I agree completely.

I've seen some relationships that claim to be trusting of each other, but they still check their spouses' emails and phones, "just in case." In case of what, exactly? What's there to make sure of if there really is trust? If you have to check, then you're kidding yourself, you DON'T trust this person, and you need to find out why. (Obviously I'm using "you" in the general sense.)

Oh, I know what you mean. They usually use the "it's not that I don't trust YOU, I just don't trust THEM" excuse, like you are some kind of helpless sheep who is bound to become caught in someone's web. I agree, checking each other's private stuff is definitely not a sign of a trusting relationship, no matter which excuse they use.

melodiccolor wrote:This is key. My husband and I have been married 32 years and have not only not sought to control one another but supported one another's dreams, doing what it took to see they were able to happen. I am fully free to be me, as is he. We are happy in who we are and we are happy married to one another. There is love, not the over the top romantic love of fiction, but the steady glow that has been there for what feels like always.

One other thing, when we met, we were not new to relationships or dating, but a bit older. We met, became engaged, moved in together and married all in the same year. When you trust yourself, all this becomes possible too.

That's really wonderful, Mel Smile It sounds like you have a lovely marriage!
I also believe that when you trust yourself and know yourself well, it doesn't take long to find out if you really resonate with someone, and if you do, things can go fast indeed ^^


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default Re: The Concept of Love and Monogamy in Today's Society

Post by Zen on Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:50 pm

Yeah I agree Riana. Tis annoying that the economic and legal issues seem to pile up in the US when marriage is involved. >> hope it doesn't stay this way.

Least that's what I am seeing with people around our age in long term relationships here in California. Prob isn't this way everywheres in America.
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