Should bullied children be taught to use discretionary violence?

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Post by petersi on Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:40 am

If you have been following all my other threads, you would have know that I am the one of the few HSP to support affirmative actions toward people who hurt us badly. Try taking up self-defense course to protect yourself too.
Take care. Smile
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Post by Pixie1970 on Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:39 am

petersi wrote:If you have been following all my other threads, you would have know that I am the one of the few HSP to support affirmative actions toward people who hurt us badly. Try taking up self-defense course to protect yourself too.
Take care. Smile

LOL petersi.....I don't know so much about self defense courses....I have that much junk in my handbag that it would only take one well aimed swing to render any attacker unconscious...! big grin
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Post by melodiccolor on Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:41 pm

Pixie, I am not judging what you did; under the circumstances it was totally understandable. The reason I no longer considered fight an option was that when I did snap as a child, the fighting was so pathetic I was deeply embarrassed. Also for me, it just felt wrong. But I do not judge others by how I react to things. Just by their character overall.

So Petersi, your first post in this thread wasn't so flip afterall; it was honest. I wonder, are you being bullied now, or were you recently? I sense a level of anger that indicates you'd been dealing with this recently.

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Post by petersi on Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:17 am

Melodicolor,
Oh gee, does it really show or you a psychic or something? Smile
Yeah I have a tiff with my parents & a brother. But that was 2 years ago.
Problem with me is that it was as if happened just yesterday.
Later I asked my mom aside to give reasons of her hurtful words but she only keep mum. She seems to regret her action but is uncertain why. Of course I suppose I can explain clearly to her but it doesnt help to add up to her guilts. I am trying to make her not feel so bad at whatever happened. In a way she is not to be blame as she was misled by my brother.
Thanks for asking. I am fine.
Very Happy
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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Mar 12, 2010 4:20 am

Betrayal by a parent over something like this is painful. She showed she was willing to hurt and so she does feel guilt now. At least she does feel that guilt; hopefully it may not happen again.

No it doesn't show clearly; I am good at reading on many levels.

You are still angry, hurt but not wanting your mom to feel guilty over it. So the feelings remain. Neither of you can let it go yet. There is still the matter of your brother as well.

Being bullied, regardless of whether it is from a loved one, a friend or someone you are not close to is hurtful and hard to reconcile. The only thing harder is watching someone else you care about have to deal with it. I have, and when I could help I did. But it always makes me angrier when they have to go through it than if I have to deal with it directly.

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Post by Pixie1970 on Fri Mar 12, 2010 4:59 am

melodiccolor wrote:Pixie, I am not judging what you did; under the circumstances it was totally understandable. The reason I no longer considered fight an option was that when I did snap as a child, the fighting was so pathetic I was deeply embarrassed. Also for me, it just felt wrong. But I do not judge others by how I react to things. Just by their character overall.

I get what you are saying and I am no fighter so it could have gone that way for me but cortisol levels must have been sky high...you have heard the saying " to see red".....well I did!

I always found it interesting that my husband also was not a fighter. When he found himself in situations involving hostile people, he would talk his way out of it but he never used such diplomacy with me. I have two other sons. The eldest is HSP if ever there was one and puts his sensitivity to good use in acting. The other one is quite simply the sort who will hit back. He is a steady lad untill he is riled and then he reacts. He is four years younger than his brother yet on more than one occasion, he stood up for him at school. I personally would like to see zero tolerence as regards bullying in schools and I mean that if someone is found to be bullying another student, they are removed from the school and police involved. Bullying has now reached new levels thanks to mobile phones and social networking....the bullying continues in their own homes now which used to be a safe haven for them. I understand that there may be underlying issues as to why someone becomes a bully ie...problems at home and they themselves should receive help but because I was bullied, my empathy is with the victims. In my experience, there were several teachers who were well aware of what was happening to me in their classes but because they were weak and not emotionally equipped to deal with a class full of adolescents, they chose to ignore it. They chose the easy life for them. They failed me and they failed themselves!

24 years ago and I am still angry!

( count to ten Pix.......annnnd BBBBRRREEAAAAAAAAATHEEE! ) silent
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Post by petersi on Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:27 am

Thanks melodi for looking out for me.
You are a good mate, thats what we said here in Australia!Very Happy
And I am sorry to learn about your past health problems.
Glad to see you survive on top of it! Very Happy

And Pixie if only my mum has your attitude, wow my mum & me would have make a great team.

Its funny after the incident my mum come and tell me I am her favorite son. Oh my gosh, what a way to treat your favorite son eh?
scratch Is that why Freud is so fascinated with psychoanalysis of woman or mother?
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Post by Pixie1970 on Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:02 pm

petersi wrote:
scratch Is that why Freud is so fascinated with psychoanalysis of woman or mother?

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother! freakout
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Post by Little Sister on Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:05 pm

Alethia wrote:Reading through this today connected me to a young introverted girl who I met recently, she shared her journey of being bullied and told me that she is now good friends with the person who continually bullied her in school.... She explained that when he was bullying her she knew it wasnt him, the real him, she could see beyond his pain. So she continued to maintain this space with him until he finally turned around some years later. Now they are the best of friends. For some reason today I felt like I needed to share this story....

I'm glad you shared your story Alethia. This young girl sounds wise beyond her years.
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Post by jaded on Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:36 pm

Funny you made this thread now. I am sure some of you remember last year my 9 year old son getting 2 of his teeth punched out in the school yard by a bully.

The same kid started today on the school bus. My son told him, he was prepared to defend himself. The child responded, you are gonna get what you did last year.

I called the school. I have little hope anything will be done. I am prepared to contact the authorities if it continues.


I have called the high school 2xs already this year. My daughter is verbally attacked by hillbillies daily because she is friends with a gay boy.

I also had to call the bus driver over both this situations above. I am so tired of it.

My children were raised in church to love, help and care for others. They were not taught to fight & act uncivilized. I think it is a shame they have to be faced with this garbage in order to obtain an education.
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Post by petersi on Fri Apr 09, 2010 5:32 pm

Ok this may help solve some of the puzzle. I did noticed such phenomenon personally but now it has been documented. I strongly encourage all HSP to take some form of martial arts or self-assertive courses, especially for your kids.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/take-all-prisoners/201001/vulnerability-and-other-prey-psychopaths

If someone come and tells you "Well you hsp asked for it!" or "You HSP deserved it", just "bash" him/her on the head! Smile
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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Apr 09, 2010 6:12 pm

Well yes. Act confident, feel confident and safe and you will experience less bullying. This is true for both children and adults.

The problem is, that children have little control over their world if they live in dysfunctional or worse, abusive families and so are already signalling lack of power. This does attract further abuse. Those who are teased in school for being different also deal with this. For them, self assertiveness classes or self defense classes could make a huge difference. My childhood may have gone better if I had had access to those.

Good article.

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Post by jaded on Fri Apr 16, 2010 12:14 pm

Maybe I have failed my children. I always tell them that maybe those bully children have an ugly home life & to try to be nice to them because of this. I teach my kids to pity those who act like this.

I disagree with the act confident thing yet again. My kids have no esteem issues at all. They all excel at everything that they do. They are just not aggressive. They have not been taught to be.

The gay child I spoke of above is now being home schooled rather than the problem being solved correctly & the other boys punished. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. IF YOU ARE DIFFERENT & ATTACKED EVEN ADULTS LOOK THE OTHER WAY,
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