Qantas Gripe Sheet

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default Qantas Gripe Sheet

Post by melodiccolor on Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:05 pm

In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one, but never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
&nb sp;
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious..

P : Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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default Re: Qantas Gripe Sheet

Post by StrawberryLife on Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:10 pm

lol These are hilarious!!!! Extra Happy

Why didn't anyone comment??!!! lol

Are these for real??!!!! Extra Happy

Have they been posted at HSPOTS yet? I think Safari might appreciate them! mrgreen headbang
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default Re: Qantas Gripe Sheet

Post by melodiccolor on Sat Jun 28, 2008 11:03 pm

I don't know why no one commented; I thought they were hilarious too. But they are repeats; at least half are anyway. I once posted the original set on hspots a few months ago, I think.

Safari said she already had seen them.

I think they are for real.

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default Re: Qantas Gripe Sheet

Post by SimplyNan on Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:47 pm

These are very funny -- musta missed them the first time around.
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