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Post by melodiccolor on Sun Aug 09, 2009 3:29 pm

A member of my HSP Meetup group found a local seminar on empaths and also posted this link: http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits.htm

This is written by the person who is conducting the seminar and it describes me and several of you quite well. I find it interesting that this person uses the same terminology we do to describe empathic ability as we all struggle with the lack of language to accomidate this issue. Anyhow, let me know what you think of it.

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Post by SimplyNan on Sun Aug 09, 2009 5:09 pm

It resonated with me a lot. I can see where I used to block because, well, it hurt too much not to block. I do think that now I'm on a more level space and feel okay with it. It's no suprirse that I can sense emotions and feelings of others but if anyone asks me how I do it, I really cannot expound upon it. And, yeah, I can start talking with a total stranger and soon said stranger will be sharing all sorts of info with me. An ex husband used to find it very disconcerting but, hey, I'm not exploiting anyone, I'm just listening and there is nothing wrong with that. Being empathic also makes it quite easy for me to see/sense the incongruity between what someone espouses and what they actually do. Makes it easy to spot a phoney, for sure.
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Post by Grasshopper on Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:52 am

This blog article discusses the relationship dimension for empaths/HSPs. Has some excellent tips:

5 Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/08/secrets-for-sensitive-people-t.html

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Post by Bluedream on Mon Aug 10, 2009 8:19 am

I think i've seen that article somewhere before...it 'read' familiar.
It's a fair description of how it feels.
I'm with Nan on the "blocking" part. When we were discussing this as "reading people" the other day...and it was brought up as to whether I could stop reading whenever. What I meant to say was I've had a good ability to block out what I don't wish to feel. This has been how it was primarily at work for me. How I got along on a daily basis...if I had to be around people a lot that day. However, this pretty much goes with how strong I personally felt at that time. Some people wore me out rather quickly and I had to then back off and 'chill' somewhere where I felt safe/comfortable.
As I adjust to a different lifestyle now, I am beginning to be much more aware also. That's nice to finally feel some freedom in this. It's funny how we can actually stunt ourselves by these 'life situations' to the point of not being up to par with who we are....what we really could feel.
True, we really don't know how, it's just our own personal ways that we are sensitive to our surroundings. I have to believe that primitive man was utilizing or in 'tune' to these skills much more also. Has our modern society inadvertantly taught us how to not feel? Do they look at this as something to fear?
Something to discuss...if you wish.
Thanks...b.d.


Last edited by Bluedream on Mon Aug 10, 2009 8:20 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : [my crappy keyboard!])
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Post by melodiccolor on Mon Aug 10, 2009 4:12 pm

Has our modern society inadvertantly taught us how to not feel? Do they look at this as something to fear?
Something to discuss...if you wish.

That would make an interesting thread. I too have shields to help keep things from becoming completely overwhelming. But they only filter and not block completely for very long. The only times they do is in time of crisis when there is too much coming in and I must function.

In the last year or so, I have been learning that I can drop those shields completely (although they will slam back up in the afore mentioned crisis) and the results have been amazing. Not only can I read much deeper and more fully, but access to all other empathic and intuitive abilities has deepened considerably.

But even with the shields in place, I cannot consciously choose not to read. It is to me like choosing not to see or hear--literally becoming totally blind or deaf by choice. It is not an option.

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Post by adain on Sat Aug 15, 2009 9:58 am

Grasshopper wrote:This blog article discusses the relationship dimension for empaths/HSPs. Has some excellent tips:

5 Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/08/secrets-for-sensitive-people-t.html
Grasshopper,
That was most interesting. I always wondered why I could never sleep with some else in the bed. I remember an ex once yelling at me "You want me to be there, without being there!"
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Post by jaded on Sat Aug 15, 2009 10:49 am

Grasshopper wrote:This blog article discusses the relationship dimension for empaths/HSPs. Has some excellent tips:

5 Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/08/secrets-for-sensitive-people-t.html

Okay maybe just maybe this is why I chose people who are narssisist(sp) or people who only care for themselves........I hope I am making sense here.

My first husband loved me beyond imagination. I couldn't take it. I felt like I was suffocating......I cannot put it into words. But this article sort of made sense to me. All I wanted to do was RUN!
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Post by melodiccolor on Sat Aug 15, 2009 4:47 pm

Heh, maybe that's why I married someone who needs even more personal space than I do. To nonempaths, our marriage seems strange, but we have about the right amount of togetherness and space.

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Post by Safari on Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:58 pm

adain wrote:
Grasshopper wrote:This blog article discusses the relationship dimension for empaths/HSPs. Has some excellent tips:

5 Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/08/secrets-for-sensitive-people-t.html
Grasshopper,
That was most interesting. I always wondered why I could never sleep with some else in the bed. I remember an ex once yelling at me "You want me to be there, without being there!"

Hehe, I always thought I was weird for not feeling comfortable sleeping in the same bed as my partner! I'm glad I'm not the only one.....perhaps I'm even more of an empath than I thought. I just don't get a good night's sleep when I'm sharing a bed, but I always thought it was just because I wasn't used to it, and that if I got married, it would get easier with time. Maybe not! I usually can't fall asleep at all if I'm touching the other person. If I move away, it's a little easier.
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Post by Nucky on Sun Aug 16, 2009 7:03 pm

What was I thinking when I wanted to be able to feel this stuff?

Or maybe it's just that my empathic abilities seem to have strengthened at about the worst possible time.

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Post by melodiccolor on Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:55 pm

Nucky, empathy has real advantages too. You know who to trust and who is not on the level--but your senses were already doing that somewhat. You get to feel the caring and concern, the love people have for you. You get to rejoice in others' good fortune by feeling their emotions directly. To do without it feels like being blind, once you've had it and are used to it.

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Post by Melania on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:17 pm

I've read the posts here, but haven't read the article yet. I just want to add that I'm another person who prefers to sleep alone (and my partner prefers it, too). Interesting how many of us here have that in common!

~Mel
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Post by Melania on Wed Aug 19, 2009 2:37 pm

I just clicked on the link to the article, and saw that it's one of the empath articles I've come across quite a few times before... but I never seem to tire of reading it. :^D Thank you. I relate to it soooo well, and it really helps to read it again.

~Mel
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Post by jaded on Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:45 pm

melodiccolor wrote:Nucky, empathy has real advantages too. You know who to trust and who is not on the level--but your senses were already doing that somewhat. You get to feel the caring and concern, the love people have for you. You get to rejoice in others' good fortune by feeling their emotions directly. To do without it feels like being blind, once you've had it and are used to it.

You know Mel maybe that is true. But for some reason I am drawn to those who don't love very well in the romance department. People who love scare me.

Now friends........I need my friends probably suck the life out of them. I need them to love me. Odd I am not the same in romance.
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Post by Grasshopper on Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:47 am

Discovered this stunning blog, Empathic Perspectives, drawing lots of parallels with HSPs:

http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/2009/11/highly-sensitive-person-hsp-empath.html

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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:00 pm

There is a lot there, and it is stunning. Empaths may be a subset of HSP individuals, but I do know some HSPs who are not empathic and it is not because they've shut off their abilities to feel. Not all HSPs are IN types either and those of other types may have different inate levels of access to empathic abilities. I think the author discounts that in his premise; otherwise his analysis seems to have much merrit.

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Post by edie on Wed Jan 27, 2010 8:06 am

http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/search/label/Empathy

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Post by Rivershine on Wed Jan 27, 2010 2:39 pm

edie wrote:http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/search/label/Empathy

Thank you so much for sharing this. It's just what I needed today. flower
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Post by melodiccolor on Wed Jan 27, 2010 11:22 pm

There is a lot to read in that link; I'll have to read it later when my computer is fully restored. In the meantime, edie, can you summarize what you found so useful there? How it relates to being an empath for others too who may not have time to read it at first.

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Post by edie on Thu Jan 28, 2010 12:16 am

to me it seems it is a process of an empath starting as a wounded healer, healing yourself through the act of helping others heal in a common like experiance. the dark knight as the next step that is a greater source of a painful time that hightens your self awareness and consciousness. and become a seeker to help others. also signifying a death of a part of yourself through your tragity and go through deep emotional and spirital trials. the need to be at peace with your past and tragitys of the pain afflicted to you. untill found you may not leave this state of the dark knight.
once found the retreaval of finding yourself openly and fully can begin. talks of looking in the mirror to find your fragmented parts you pushed away. to become whole again when you feal empty is not outside, but inside yourself. these peices must be found inward.
once over come your fears and angers and bring yourself whole the empath in you is hightened.
from thre on is alot of info on budist prospective, survival,anxity and coping. definitions, traits,hsp traits,quizes, about nightmares and dreams, and lots and lots of links. i havent even gone through all of it lol. there is so much info bursting through the seems.

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Post by melodiccolor on Thu Jan 28, 2010 4:04 am

OK. My experience is different; I was born an empath. I started using it as a baby. As I grow and change, so does it and I seek out developing it.

Pain and tradegy are a part of life, and mine has plenty. But it only showed me how strong I can be, how much I treasure life.

I've always striven to help lessen pain, both of myself and others, regardless.

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Post by edie on Thu Jan 28, 2010 5:12 am

i agree, lol though interesing info or opinions

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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:09 pm

edie wrote:http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/search/label/Empathy

I found this interesting page on that site.

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Post by rombomb on Sat Dec 22, 2012 1:09 pm

About the empathetic ability, is that something wired in brains? if so, is it inborn wiring?

Would you say that that wiring is like specialized hardware? (Like that of video graphics cards in computers.)

Do some people have **none** of that specialized hardware? Is that what you mean by non-empath? Or is there a lower limit that is non-zero? If so, what does non-empath mean?

How do empaths improve their ability? By what process? Whatever that process is, I'm guessing you'll agree that it requires a conscious effort.

Assuming that there are people that have **none** of the empathic specialized hardware, how do they improve their ability to understand the thoughts/feelings of others? Is it by the same conscious process that the empaths do?

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Post by anarkandi on Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:41 pm

rombomb wrote:About the empathetic ability, is that something wired in brains? if so, is it inborn wiring?

Would you say that that wiring is like specialized hardware? (Like that of video graphics cards in computers.)

Do some people have **none** of that specialized hardware? Is that what you mean by non-empath? Or is there a lower limit that is non-zero? If so, what does non-empath mean?

How do empaths improve their ability? By what process? Whatever that process is, I'm guessing you'll agree that it requires a conscious effort.

Assuming that there are people that have **none** of the empathic specialized hardware, how do they improve their ability to understand the thoughts/feelings of others? Is it by the same conscious process that the empaths do?

Excellent questions. Smile) It's natural to assume all people are wired differently, and it's not at all weird to assume that this ability has an evoulutionary purpose - attentiveness to feelings and depth gives us a stronger ability to influence others around us, and it gives us an ability to work together with others on things. However, even if evoulution makes some more likely to end up with empathic abilities than others, I'd say everyone has the ability to empathically look into and feel others emotions, though it may take a higher effort. Just as you, as an INTP, may be more fine-tuned towards questioning and finding the weak spots of an argument another person holds. What I think the empathic ability stems from is first of all 1. being highly sensitive and secondly, being open to and practising your ability to feel what others feel. For some people that ability is natural through their entire lives, even as kids. I know I was empathic for most of my childhood, but I think I stopped listening for a bit during my teens, even if I still had to relate to the harsh feelings my empathy brought on me.

The empathic process is basically the process of mirror neurons and other things in our brain, what makes us symphatize with others, and high sensitivity in combination, together with an attunement towards the empathic process, rather than an attunement towards say, the analytical process. It doesn't have to be magic workings at all, though some will say it is, I don't think so, I think it's just seeing the surface and then expanding beyond it through our ability to imagine and foresee or intuitively grasp the different levels of what someone says are. Learning to think beyond the surface cues into the unknown, into what we cannot know for certain. If there's magic, it propably lies in the concept "the global conciousness" which Jung wrote about. A shared conciousness we can all access through our subconcious. I can't answer if such a concioussness exists however, nobody can.
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Post by melodiccolor on Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:36 pm

Empathic ability is not the same thing as empathic process that science describes when they talk about the mirror neuron theory. The ability is independent of that and yes, some are born with the ability to reach those functions easily while others need to work on it.

I'm not sure anyone is barred from them as many of us have noted nonempaths responding to empathic information while not being aware of doing so. An example of this is feeling the mood of a crowd and matching your emotions to fit it. An extreme example of this might be mob mentality.

Some mirroring may play a role in the above examples as well so another where it is less likely is an entire crowd at a concert feeling the exact same emotion at the same time, even if they can't directly see one another because the audience area is dark.

As a fully aware empath, I can feel the emotions of those I am connected to from a distance and with no other contact at the time. I can also sometimes pick up their sensory input, visual thoughts, and knowing thoughts. The mirroring neuron theory requires visually seeing the person for that to happen, or at least speaking with them; some kind of direct conctact.

As to how to develop opening abilities (including new ones for an already aware empath), the answer is counterintuitive; you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them. Meditation is one way many have done this who weren't otherwise open. If you wish to try this, do a search on meditation on this board, we have some great threads on it.

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Post by RBM on Sat Dec 22, 2012 7:27 pm

MC wrote:As to how to develop opening abilities (including new ones for an already aware empath), the answer is counterintuitive; you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them. Meditation is one way many have done this who weren't otherwise open. If you wish to try this, do a search on meditation on this board, we have some great threads on it.

My general experience on anything labeled as 'counter intuitive' is more information will make it intuitive.

In this case one set of additional information is brain science. This relates to the additional discoveries in neuroscience and some related disciplines. That is from the end of the 'chain of causation'. The dynamic to consider, in part, it related to the hemispheric functions and the access a given individual has to those functions.

Another set of information. is at the beginning of that chain of causation and is the nonphysical matter reality influence.

This is what Meditation is about. An analogy is to wean one off the typical data stream feed people generally live by in their typical waking state, to focus on other data streams that are always in the Reality environment to be 'tuned to'. Meditation is, as i understand it, a mechanism of re-tuning. Apparently, once one gets accomplished enough or is born with this skill, one can re-tune at will.



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Post by melodiccolor on Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:48 am

RBM wrote:
MC wrote:As to how to develop opening abilities (including new ones for an already aware empath), the answer is counterintuitive; you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them. Meditation is one way many have done this who weren't otherwise open. If you wish to try this, do a search on meditation on this board, we have some great threads on it.

My general experience on anything labeled as 'counter intuitive' is more information will make it intuitive.

In this case one set of additional information is brain science. This relates to the additional discoveries in neuroscience and some related disciplines. That is from the end of the 'chain of causation'. The dynamic to consider, in part, it related to the hemispheric functions and the access a given individual has to those functions.

Another set of information. is at the beginning of that chain of causation and is the nonphysical matter reality influence.

This is what Meditation is about. An analogy is to wean one off the typical data stream feed people generally live by in their typical waking state, to focus on other data streams that are always in the Reality environment to be 'tuned to'. Meditation is, as i understand it, a mechanism of re-tuning. Apparently, once one gets accomplished enough or is born with this skill, one can re-tune at will.




You're quite right about the counterintuitiveness, I should have said can seem counterintuitive. It actually is not, it is going against a logical process. It was in fact my intuition that provided that answer to growing my abilities more effectively.

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Post by RBM on Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:54 am

melodiccolor wrote:
RBM wrote:
MC wrote:As to how to develop opening abilities (including new ones for an already aware empath), the answer is counterintuitive; you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them. Meditation is one way many have done this who weren't otherwise open. If you wish to try this, do a search on meditation on this board, we have some great threads on it.

My general experience on anything labeled as 'counter intuitive' is more information will make it intuitive.

In this case one set of additional information is brain science. This relates to the additional discoveries in neuroscience and some related disciplines. That is from the end of the 'chain of causation'. The dynamic to consider, in part, it related to the hemispheric functions and the access a given individual has to those functions.

Another set of information. is at the beginning of that chain of causation and is the nonphysical matter reality influence.

This is what Meditation is about. An analogy is to wean one off the typical data stream feed people generally live by in their typical waking state, to focus on other data streams that are always in the Reality environment to be 'tuned to'. Meditation is, as i understand it, a mechanism of re-tuning. Apparently, once one gets accomplished enough or is born with this skill, one can re-tune at will.




You're quite right about the counterintuitiveness, I should have said can seem counterintuitive. It actually is not, it is going against a logical process. It was in fact my intuition that provided that answer to growing my abilities more effectively.

I am discovering in me, a habit of making a statement without any qualification at all online or real life and at this point I think that tends to create a sort of 'Box' in my mind - which I don't want - for example, to experience many of the things that you have experienced all your life.

Recognition of this habit came as a result of watching a clip by Joe Dispenza, Three Brains - Thinking to Doing to Being:

...
He has taught thousands of people how to reprogram their thinking through scientifically proven neuro-physiologic principles. As a result, this information has taught many individuals to reach their specific goals and visions by eliminating self-destructive habits. His approach, taught in a very simple method, creates a bridge between true human potential and the latest scientific theories of neuroplasticity...

You touched on it, closest, here:

you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them.

It works this way, as Joe notes, because of the way the physical brain works. 'You think, first, then you do, then you be.'

This is a recurring concept I've run across in Campbell's work and discussions at his site. I've understood the truth of it through at intuitive sense, but that was a little to amorphous for my comfort level, even though I could apply it in the form of action.

Related to this 'opening up task', I'm making online contacts with a local ghost hunters group in which my hope is to put myself in ghost hunting environment with the concomitant stimuli of 'paranormal phenomena' about, in order to 'do' as in Joe's words.
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Post by melodiccolor on Sun Dec 23, 2012 4:25 pm

RBM wrote:
melodiccolor wrote:
RBM wrote:
MC wrote:As to how to develop opening abilities (including new ones for an already aware empath), the answer is counterintuitive; you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them. Meditation is one way many have done this who weren't otherwise open. If you wish to try this, do a search on meditation on this board, we have some great threads on it.

My general experience on anything labeled as 'counter intuitive' is more information will make it intuitive.

In this case one set of additional information is brain science. This relates to the additional discoveries in neuroscience and some related disciplines. That is from the end of the 'chain of causation'. The dynamic to consider, in part, it related to the hemispheric functions and the access a given individual has to those functions.

Another set of information. is at the beginning of that chain of causation and is the nonphysical matter reality influence.

This is what Meditation is about. An analogy is to wean one off the typical data stream feed people generally live by in their typical waking state, to focus on other data streams that are always in the Reality environment to be 'tuned to'. Meditation is, as i understand it, a mechanism of re-tuning. Apparently, once one gets accomplished enough or is born with this skill, one can re-tune at will.




You're quite right about the counterintuitiveness, I should have said can seem counterintuitive. It actually is not, it is going against a logical process. It was in fact my intuition that provided that answer to growing my abilities more effectively.

I am discovering in me, a habit of making a statement without any qualification at all online or real life and at this point I think that tends to create a sort of 'Box' in my mind - which I don't want - for example, to experience many of the things that you have experienced all your life.

Recognition of this habit came as a result of watching a clip by Joe Dispenza, Three Brains - Thinking to Doing to Being:

...
He has taught thousands of people how to reprogram their thinking through scientifically proven neuro-physiologic principles. As a result, this information has taught many individuals to reach their specific goals and visions by eliminating self-destructive habits. His approach, taught in a very simple method, creates a bridge between true human potential and the latest scientific theories of neuroplasticity...

You touched on it, closest, here:

you have to open to them and pay attention, rather than actively try to use them.

It works this way, as Joe notes, because of the way the physical brain works. 'You think, first, then you do, then you be.'

This is a recurring concept I've run across in Campbell's work and discussions at his site. I've understood the truth of it through at intuitive sense, but that was a little to amorphous for my comfort level, even though I could apply it in the form of action.

Related to this 'opening up task', I'm making online contacts with a local ghost hunters group in which my hope is to put myself in ghost hunting environment with the concomitant stimuli of 'paranormal phenomena' about, in order to 'do' as in Joe's words.

I originally posted this in Oct. 2011:

I was talking about merging, when it dawned on me that we don't choose to merge, rather we open and let it happen. It requires both parties to be open and trusting. Fear of sharing certain experiences or emotions with others will prevent it. When we get on the same wavelegnth in chats, I sense it is the first stage of merging and if we continue to let it deepen, what will result is what my friend and I experienced. I was wondering why I couldn't just choose to do it and got my answer.

This reminded me later that really accessing ANY ability, empathic or otherwise requires we simply open to it and allow it to emerge. Any we can't we are blocking for a reason we are hiding from ourselves or partially hiding anyway. At the bottom lies a fear or lesson needing unlearning.


I have found actively trying to access any ability, to get it to emerge or strengthen really gets in the way of that happening. Simply opening to it and allowing it to emerge works so much better; observing rather than doing. Even intent can partially block and I am not sure why. Now I just let things flow and see what comes.

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Life is complex.  Parts of it are real and parts of it are imaginary.  (read in a novel by Gregory Benford.)

Absurdity is one of the great joys of life.

All you need for a rich life is to see more.
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