How not to get a date

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default How not to get a date

Post by TheStargazer on Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:06 pm

I found this guy on Yahoo Personals where I have a profile set up in hopes of finding some friends in my new town. I wish I had a paid account so I could email this horse's ass and tell him what a ridiculous boob he is:

I'm a guy, hopefully a girl that would be my match would fit some of the possible stipulations. One, i hope you like sex, im a guy remember. Not that i want it immediately just making sure i am not going to commit to any kind of relationship that is without that.Remember i am a guy and there is a reason i date women besides the nagging, you're smart ass remarks, that would be enjoyed, and to show me off to your friends to make them jealous. Two, have more to do then text me all day. I cant stand texting, yes it is convienint it is workable, but I have a life and I like to hear peoples voices and their words not have a continuously buzzing pocket. Three, be realistic. I just moved here I am in my last year of college, btw it cost me over 50,000 to do this, so of course I am not working I do not want to fail, also i earned the right. I and yes i mean I paid for my last year myself not my family and not any loans. So if i dont want to work I dont have to, Im not a bum. i worked for 15 years to be able to have one year off, if that makes you feel as if i am a bum then go find another guy, oh and i am not your sugar daddy. I am real I would hope you are the same. Also i travel so i would hope you are not to attached to family and such. I try everything and anything, and i do not take others opinions for word or law so i would hope you are also of that mindset.

So if you feel that you can compete with these then here is the what i am into

Motorcycles, Anime, Education, Debate, Japanese Food (not just sushi), Cars, Surfing, Snowboarding, JetSkiing, Quadding, Dirtbikes, 4 wheeling, Travel, Exoitc dancing, diffrent Languages, Business, Strategy, The ocassional sci fi stuff, Videogames, ( u name it i have probably played it) outdoor sports. Pottery, Art, painting, Food, cooking, Metalworking, leatherworking, Religion( the sudy of not the practice) Humanisim (might need to look that word up in wikipedia.) Equality.

Also i have tattoo's and plan on getting more. Piercings are not on the top of my list but i will see i like to be wild about that stuff, it has made for some really great times. That and it has partly to do with the fact that i am completely spontaneous.

So there you are hope you are not to intimidated. Smile
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Post by Luna on Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:32 pm

Gee sounds like a real keeper. Razz
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Post by melodiccolor on Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:49 pm

Laughing and rolling

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Post by Nucky on Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:54 pm

Maybe he was this guy lol!


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Post by jaded on Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:50 am

Erik Lmao!!!! Stargazer what did you say to him??????? People never cease to amaze me
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Post by TheStargazer on Fri Jun 26, 2009 11:50 am

seashell wrote:Erik Lmao!!!! Stargazer what did you say to him??????? People never cease to amaze me

I couldn't say anything, unfortunately. I don't have a paid account so I can't send messages...but I was thoroughly entertained, and sincerely hope this loser never reproduces!
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Post by jaded on Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:40 pm

Sadly those are the ones that have 10 kids
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Post by lula may on Fri Jun 26, 2009 2:19 pm

Ok, I ran that through babel fish and translated it from international personal ad to english.
TheStargazer wrote:
I'm a guy, hopefully a girl that would be my match would fit some of the possible stipulations. One, i hope you like sex, im a guy remember. (only interested in sex-ONLY) Not that i want it immediately (I want sex immediately and that's all I want) just making sure i am not going to commit to any kind of relationship that is without that.Remember i am a guy and there is a reason i date women besides the nagging, you're smart ass remarks, (Yeah, I want the sex right away because I'm completely incapable of meeting women in real life and my idiot chauvanist friends are starting to give me a hard time about it. I need to have some sex ASAP so they'll leave me alone. I have to warn you, I have virtually no experience and sex with me is likely to produce more humiliation than orgasms-by a wide margin) that would be enjoyed, and to show me off to your friends to make them jealous. (To reiterate, I am ONLY interested in having sex-probably very bad and embarrassing sex- with you) Two, have more to do then text me all day. I cant stand texting, yes it is convienint it is workable, but I have a life and I like to hear peoples voices and their words not have a continuously buzzing pocket. (I am illiterate, my buddy is transcribing this ad for me because I have no grasp of any written language) Three, be realistic. I just moved here I am in my last year of college, btw it cost me over 50,000 to do this, so of course I am not working I do not want to fail, also i earned the right. ( I and yes i mean I paid for my last year myself not my family and not any loans. {Yeah, I put it all on credit cards with 29% interest rates-boo yah student loans and parents!-I also have no intention of closing my parentheses-actually I should say my buddy has no intention of doing so-I'm completely illiterate-would you expect my friends to be fully aware of the finer points of punctuation? Geesh ladies, get over it already.} So if i dont want to work I dont have to, Im not a bum. i worked for 15 years to be able to have one year off, if that makes you feel as if i am a bum then go find another guy, oh and i am not your sugar daddy. (Because I have no access to any money at all. I'm financed to the gills and this whole uproar about the economy has me peeing myself) I am real I would hope you are the same. (Except for you breasts, lips, eye color . . . and the way you feel toward me-I don't ever want to hear your actual opinion of me) Also i travel so i would hope you are not to attached to family and such. (Since I'm so bad at sex, deep in debt and shallow I might have to smack you around a little bit to make myself feel more capable and masculine. In order to do this I'll need to whisk you away from your loved ones as I have no faith in my ability to stand up to an actual man and I fear the intervention of potential fathers and brothers in my plan to dominate you completely. If you have only female relatives, travel may be less of a concern) I try everything and anything, (response to this ad represents legally binding consent to participate in a threesome) and i do not take others opinions for word or law (By this I mean I will never listen to anything you have to say) so i would hope you are also of that mindset.(Not really, my word is law-always)

So if you feel that you can compete with these then here is the what i am into (See? TOTALLY illiterate! I don't even know what that means ladies!)

Motorcycles, (spending money on stupid crap) Anime, (watching hours of insufferably pretentious cartoons) Education, (but only in theory) Debate, (assault and battery) Japanese Food (not just sushi) {yeah, what I really like are those frozen dinners with teriyaki sauce!), Cars,(spending money on stupid crap) Surfing,(spending money on stupid crap in the water) Snowboarding, ($, stupid crap-snow) JetSkiing ($, stupid crap, H2O) Quadding,($, stupid crap) Dirtbikes, ($, stupid dangerous crap) 4 wheeling, (see previous) Travel, (taking my special lady to a remote location so I--I mean we can do whatever we want) Exoitc dancing, (Yup, I did just mention strippers in a personal ad. They're that important to me) diffrent Languages, (Real 'diffrent' some would even say they don't exist) Business, (theft) Strategy, (ham handed attempts at manipulation) The ocassional sci fi stuff, (I'm not bright enough to get most of it) Videogames, ( u name it i have probably played it) {First true thing I've said} outdoor sports. ($ on lots of stupid crap) Pottery, (that's the stuff you smoke-right?lololol) Art, (food, right? it's the dessert with the cream on top?) painting, (model airplanes) Food, (mostly boiled) cooking, (mostly in bags) Metalworking, (using a spoon counts, right?) leatherworking, (same with tying my shoes which are made of leather) Religion ( the sudy of not the practice) {as a being devoid of compassion or the capacity to love, no religion will have me-YES even the scientologists and the satanists. I know, I was shocked too} Humanisim (might need to look that word up in wikipedia.) {which I'll get around to doing any day now} Equality. (in theory)

Also i have tattoo's and plan on getting more. (as soon as I stop crying from the pain of the last one) Piercings are not on the top of my list but i will see i like to be wild about that stuff, (I only do it when I'm drunk as hell so I can later bemoan the fact that I ever did it and advise everyone against it in a whiny and annoying fashion) it has made for some really great times. (Of sobbing like a little girl) That and it has partly to do with the fact that i am completely spontaneous. (by which I mean stupid)

So there you are hope you are not to intimidated. Smile

Isn't babel fish amazing? Makes so much more sense after the translation!
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Post by Reamsie on Fri Jun 26, 2009 3:32 pm

I'm completely shocked that this dreamboat hasn't been snatched off the market! If only someone could post that translation where he could see it. Very Happy

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Post by melodiccolor on Fri Jun 26, 2009 4:33 pm

I'm just busy imagining that idiot seeing that translation and what happens afterwards.

Lula, that's scathingly brilliant! whee!

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Post by TheStargazer on Fri Jun 26, 2009 5:00 pm

Laughing and rolling
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Post by Luna on Sat Jun 27, 2009 12:37 am

Lula, LOL!!!! Laughing Oh my god, I love it! Fantastic translation! hehe
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Post by adain on Sat Jun 27, 2009 1:13 am

Nice! He sounds like my dream man, as in nightmare.
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